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FRom reading this n what everybody is saying im guessing my ex/paramour anything he is in my life is at narcissist. HE has been in my life for 3yrs kno. ANd for the 1st yr all was ok we had our ups n downs but we worked them thru. HE lost his father n then his friend n then things changed. CHeating, lien, i feel used. I try to leave n get out but i feel lost with out him i don’t kno what to do. I have changed my number 2 times n he txt or calls or email n i fall into it. I changed my n its like a drug to have to talk to him. I dont kno why i even think he can change, it kills me inside. HE don’t see the pain he is causing me. I need help to get out of it n not fall back but i dont know how :im questioning if i had the hoover manuover done on me!I’m sure my ex is a narcissist!I dumped him after another tantrum in which solicitous me called be police and subsequently him blaming me!FOr months he sent love songs, texts even flowers, never had flowers even after our kids were born, no note though with them!OFfered me coffee, takeaways etc etc, then abruptly he’s got a girl friend and she’s moved in with him!WOw not even introduced her to the kids!THen the random stuff begins, once maybe twice a month a email of nothing but a jar of sweets or whatever else!THen social media, the endless pics of them posing looking so happy!THen the texts telling me he met a famous guy at the weekend!?YEs and ?YOu’ve got a girl friend so why text me?IT’s been 5 mths since then as i ignored whole he sent me and he’s gone completely silent!I was wondering if he was trying to manipulate me or conceivably triangulate?I married him. WAs tired of the roller coaster and wanted it to stop. I thought if i brought dependability to his life – composition, etc. HE’d thrive. 3 l/2 yrs ago. THen the real abuse started. RAther than understand my benefactions – he took benefits of me and escalated his demands. HE threatened to smash in my face, took up with another woman when out of town and i was having surgery, was neglectful, never gave me a dime – had to beg for grocery money – and the kicker. THe last straw… mother’s day and he deliberately refused to own me. I told him if he disrespected me one more time – i was out the door. I left. FOr good. HE was sucking the life out of me. HE’d taken anybody from me. EVerything. BUt the one thing he will never take is my soul. HE was killing my spirit. I was spent, jumbled, sad, lonely, alone, and ignored. BRoke up mother’s day. MOved back to the house i still owned that my wenches was living in. NO contact. I am going to be 66 yrs old. I don’t know why i could ever believe that someone else’s pleasure/welfare was more important than my own. I apologize to me for abusing me. I am collectible. I am lovable.
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I did and he eyed me with venomous eyes and said. ” i hate you. I don’t want you and you are nothing but scum. ” we didn’t even have an disagreement the night before all this before he left. WE are now 6 months out, he has moved to an unknown locale, won’t give me a divorce. I have to get an attorney which i can’t afford right now. 2 days after he left me, he was walking the fair with his high school girl who is also married, he paid for dating sites during our tie, had manifold women’s numbers in an old phone that he left behind,got cash furthers that i knew nothing about, constantly told my daughters’s that i was crazy and needed meds. THere is so much more pain i endured, but this is a few. I will never comprehend how someone could hurt another human being in this matter. THe past 6 years i have been living a lie. MY one and only bridal i ever wanted in my life is now a horror. I will continue to pray for healing for all that comes in contact with these types. IT’s not fair and we did not deserve this pain. INteresting… i got the same message from his first ex wife. SHe also told me that the only reason he married me is bc of the manifold sclerosis that i fight every day , he was waiting for me to die, and so he could draw social defense off my maids’s. I can’t believe all this has ensued. I was so blind. I’m still married to the pos. HE put a jamming order on me for texting and calling. I guess i was interrupting his affairs. I was trying to interpret what went wrong. LIke i said in my post before,we just signed a brand new home, all the bills in his name,and i was lost. HE never talked to me about any of it. THe judge granted him the block order for a year. THe judge had the nerve to say to me… ” the minute he walked out, i had nothing else more to say to him!’ i was like. REally?YOu have got to be kidding me!GUess i was chopped liver. I was going through so much gloom and the judge made it worse. HE is now living at an unknown place so i have no clue how to get divorced from him without a lawyer. DOnt give up!SHow him your not weak. MAybe play him at his own game like, try be nice to get what you want a divorce then when it’s over and done you can start to heal. IT hurts like hell and hard for many to truly appreciate it.
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BRoke up mother’s day. MOved back to the house i still owned that my wenches was living in. NO contact. I am going to be 66 yrs old. I don’t know why i could ever believe that someone else’s joy/welfare was more crucial than my own. I apologize to me for abusing me. I am collectable. I am lovable. I am a human being. THey are hollow. SAve yourselves and leave. HEllo kay, you are right, they are hollow; hollow empty souls. I told my oldest sister one day about 8 months ago that she was a sad empty soul. SHe looked angry and jumbled and slammed door. I believe she has narcissistic temperament disorder. I unfortunately had to move in w/her and my elderly mother for economic reasons. IT’s been almost 6 yrs. I’ve matured health problems, had surgeries, that have prevented me from working and moving back on my own. I will be moving soon working on plan she has bullied me and emotionally abused me and denies it. WE’ve had horrible altercations. I stand up for myself and tell her how i feel so she doesn’t like that which gets her angry. I’ve been scared. THen there’s this period where we won’t talk and avoid each other. I don’t see her much anyhow. THen she will start being “nice” to me, make small talk, and pretend all ok. CYcle repeats.
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I have strong feelings for him and i wanted to make sure i was doing all i could to make things work. IN the process, i almost lost my mind and the weigh loss on the last five months was the red line for me. I always told him that if i was obliged to choose between my love for him and my love for myself, i would not hesitate in choice me and the time came when i had to quit the journey. I wish him the best and i think he needs love like any other human been but i have no more energy for it, though i love him. THat makes things hard do defeat since he doesn’t leave space to breath but my mind is made up. BEing cognizant of what could happen when i got back to him last time, helped me to not dissolve myself in the process. IT is very vital for anything in life that you don’t doubt herself besides healthy self doubt which helps to evolve and always trust your guts. THough people can change, it is essential to distinguish what needs change and that seems impracticable to a narcissist. EVen so, i feel sorry for him because i believe he suffers and i see no way for him to conquer pleasure in life. EVerybody fears him or dislikes him because of his agressive behavioural which he doesn’t name and he can’t feel real affiliated, even when he’s loved he acts under his insecurity. IT’s sad. RIght now he is texting me how much he misses me and loves me and so forth. INstinctively i cut his access to me, since the moment i had to call the police once he came drunk to my door and as i didn’t open he started calling me names loudly so all the street could hear. IT was very sad thing to do but necessary. ANd though i love him, i will and i won’t ever love anyone above myself. THough i have strong love and undertaking for the people in my life, i allow no one to treat me less than i deserve. I was dejected all my live and felt lonely many times but once i recouped my self love i never gave it away. I’m able to offering in the name of love or any other thing i decide worthy but is me who decides, i say how i want to be treated. I told him there ware boundaries but he didn’t listen and i kept my promise. I lost weigh, money, my job and almost lost my mind but here i am, recovering. BElieving in myself and in my intuition helps a lot. LOving myself is crucial. IN the defiant moments i try to listen to chakra washing sounds or binaural beat waves or some guided images, depending on the state of mind. THere are lots of options, to every taste and need. I also have been reading about human behavioural since i recollect so i use the ability do observe myself and everybody else from a neutral point of view, what grants me some clearness. I also have a very supportive family supported since i left the connection and helping me go trough this moment. SEarch for differentiated help if you don’t feel strong enough to beat this by myself. IT is very vital to be around “normal” humankind to remind you that you are worthy and that you can do it. IT is crucial to keep the journey of self disclosure, healthy habits and a clear mind. THe hoover maneuver will appear when you less expect and you have to remain lucid and alert and you need a supportive net of bonds to wake you up if bond. DOn’t be ashamed or afraid.
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