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I always told him that if i was obliged to choose between my love for him and my love for myself, i would not hesitate in choosing me and the time came when i had to quit the journey. I wish him the best and i think he needs love like any other human been but i have no more energy for it, though i love him. THat makes things hard do beat since he doesn’t leave space to breath but my mind is made up. BEing conscious of what could happen when i got back to him last time, helped me to not dissolve myself in the process. IT is very grave for whatever in life that you don’t doubt her besides healthy self doubt which helps to evolve and always trust your guts. THough people can change, it is necessary to recognize what needs change and that seems absurd to a narcissist. EVen so, i feel sorry for him because i believe he suffers and i see no way for him to conquer pleasure in life. EVerybody fears him or dislikes him because of his agressive action which he doesn’t distinguish and he can’t feel real connected, even when he’s loved he acts under his insecurity. IT’s sad. RIght now he is texting me how much he misses me and loves me et cetera. INstinctively i cut his access to me, since the moment i had to call the police once he came drunk to my door and as i didn’t open he started calling me names loudly so all the street could hear. IT was very sad thing to do but band. ANd though i love him, i will and i won’t ever love anyone above myself. THough i have strong love and dedication for the people in my life, i allow no one to treat me less than i deserve. I was indecent all my live and felt lonely many times but once i recouped my self love i never gave it away. I’m able to relinquish in the name of love or any other thing i decide worthy but is me who decides, i say how i want to be treated. I told him there ware boundaries but he didn’t listen and i kept my promise. I lost weigh, money, my job and almost lost my mind but here i am, recovering. BElieving in myself and in my intuition helps a lot. LOving myself is crucial. IN the defiant moments i try to listen to chakra purification sounds or binaural beat waves or some guided considerations, trusting on the state of mind.