I’ve started writing down all the bad parts and there were many more bad parts. TRust me, i’ going thru the exact same thing you are. BEst wishes,roseit was discard 3 when i finally came upon narcissistic abuse. PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty convinced woman, minus some insecurities due to things that eventuated in my youth – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the approaches i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would intimately use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my faith would be on 1000% and he would steadily keep carrying up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself wherever again. THis past june i ended the relationship. 4 years of this was enough. I have been no contact ever since 5 months. I have blocked him from my phone, texts, all social media and up until lately all emails go straight to the deleted folder i was told to put them in another folder in case i needed them for legal drifts. LAst week i saw that he has sent me 6 letters in 12 days…one email was blaming my “insecurities” on why things didn’t work out again, telling me i was crazy for not seeing how much he “loves” me and piling on more of the immaterial abuse he did for our alliance, developed by a link to what men wish women knew about them, 3 sermons on insecurity and then one telling me about a new highway opening up. I have still stayed silent. I have been no contact for 7 weeks. I had a few affronts with him showing up at my door telling me he missed me and how much he loved me but them nearly went to if i didn’t act the way i did, he wouldn’t say the things he says. YEs always my fault. I told him to leave which was a combat for me. THen came by my house again a few weeks later to flaunt two very young girls in the car with him. EVery day is a war for me. I know he won’t change , it’s been over 3 years , but every day is a struggle. EFfects my entire life. DOn’t know how to move past this. I just want to forget it ever existed. I’ve been married to a narcissist sociopath for 13 yrs. SO much damage has been done but i’m rebuilding. I started the no contact but we have a child coincidentally and are not divorced or legally separated yet. THe threats of taking my son and the very few things i have left have me living in fear. HE fools everyone around him into whereas i’m an awful person when all i ever tried to do was help him. HE is a sick and twisted man i don’t want my son to be ducked in by his disception. WHat do i do?I work hard but barely make ends meet. ARe there any ways to make this easier, for i can’t handle anymore of his abuse?I keep reading the comments on here and i didn’t mention the adultery his bizarre sex request and his drug abuse that he blames everything on.
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