I want so badly to re connect, because part of our tie was happy and excited, but mostly it wasn’t happy and it was draining. WE tend to only remember the good parts. I’ve started writing down all the bad parts and there were many more bad parts. TRust me, i’ going thru the exact same thing you are. BEst wishes,roseit was discard 3 when i finally came upon narcissistic abuse. PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty assured woman, minus some insecurities due to things that occurred in my babyhood – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the petitions i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would immediately use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my assurance would be on 1000% and he would regularly keep fetch up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself anywhere again. THis past june i ended the relationship. 4 years of this was enough. I have been no contact ever since 5 months. I have blocked him from my phone, texts, all social media and up until anew all emails go at once to the deleted folder i was told to put them in another folder in case i needed them for legal intents. LAst week i saw that he has sent me 6 errands in 12 days…one email was blaming my “insecurities” on why things didn’t work out again, telling me i was crazy for not seeing how much he “loves” me and piling on more of the spiritual abuse he did throughout our relationship, chased by a link to what men wish women knew about them, 3 sermons on insecurity and then one telling me about a new highway opening up. I have still lasted silent. I have been no contact for 7 weeks. I had a few affronts with him showing up at my door telling me he missed me and how much he loved me but them closely went to if i didn’t act the way i did, he wouldn’t say the things he says. YEs always my fault. I told him to leave which was a conflict for me. THen came by my house again a few weeks later to flaunt two very young girls in the car with him. EVery day is a fight for me. I know he won’t change , it’s been over 3 years , but every day is a struggle. EFfects my entire life. DOn’t know how to move past this. I just want to forget it ever ensued. I’ve been married to a narcissist sociopath for 13 yrs.
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