AS i write this, i still want to text him, but i’m not going to. I find myself daydreaming of how good it could be if he was more normal,but he’s never going to change. I wen thru this teach where u write down every opposite thing about him and i just kept writing and writing. HE has really done some cruel mean shit to me. WHen i start to miss him, i take out what i wrote, and mind how hurt he made me feel, then i don’t miss him for a while. HE once broke a wine bottle and 2 glasses on the street, drove my car 90 mph and imperiled to wrap the car around a pole, unless i gave him all the money in my wallet all bc i joked about how he never keeps a job in front of one of his friends. HE did this after i had paid for appetizers and drinks for all of us 54. 00 and i’m utterly certain he had all going on with the coffeehouse hostess. IT was so blatantly obvious!I’m sure he either knew her, had sex with her, or got her number. I think of this and wonder how could i want to see him after this, but i did. SO, my advice is it will be hard, but try to do the no contact thing. YOu’re only broadening the healing process. I feel better every day and so relaxed. WHat i just accounted was only one episode of many. I could write a book and i just might!BEst wishes. REmember no contact is best!ANd also, your friends and even family will not fully comprehend!BUt there is plenty of support here and on line. JUst google how to move on after a breakup. THere is a ton of help out there and certainly there is particular therapy which i used while i was in the association with him. I know now, the moving on and healing is all up to me. IT’s tough initially, but the more time passes, the easier it gets, until one day, you don’t think of him anymore. I’ve just started this process myself. IT is almost physically debilitating. I want so badly to re connect, because part of our association was happy and excited, but mostly it wasn’t happy and it was draining. WE tend to only remember the good parts. I’ve started writing down all the bad parts and there were many more bad parts. TRust me, i’ going thru the exact same thing you are. BEst wishes,roseit was discard 3 when i finally came upon narcissistic abuse. PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty assured woman, minus some insecurities due to things that ensued in my adolescence – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the accosts i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would instantly use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my faith would be on 1000% and he would constantly keep fetch up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself anywhere again.
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