ALl the excuses will defeat you if you let it when they can’t use you for what they need and what age does a person need 2 be when they are a fully playing adult that is prone for their own life?I used 2 wonder why don’t they just go do what they need itself?NOt in a current connection and i love it. DOn’t have male friends anymore either. PEople want 2 hang out if they can use you 2 get thing, diversely how many out of the blue folks call you constantly because they value you as a woman and a friend?IN order 4 me 2 go out and hang with anyone they have 2 be absolutely 100% fully acting adult that wants fondness from me only, no loans 4 $, no wanting 2 borrow my car 2 drive because their car is conveniently in the garage and they can’t afford 2 get it out. GEtting in a alliance with a man that has kids and wants me 2 raise his kids, not event. I wonder isn’t anyone likely for their life yourself?I’m happy being single. I have no regrets i don’t date. I late broke up from a draining alliance with a narcissist and i’ve been there for almost two years. LOst 22 pounds and i was already thin before… it is not the first time i aimed do leave him and i was in part informed of what was affair when we got back together last time. I have strong passions for him and i wanted to make sure i was doing all i could to make things work. IN the process, i almost lost my mind and the weigh loss on the last five months was the red line for me. I always told him that if i was obliged to choose between my love for him and my love for myself, i would not hesitate in choosing me and the time came when i had to quit the journey. I wish him the best and i think he needs love like any other human been but i have no more energy for it, though i love him. THat makes things hard do whip since he doesn’t leave space to breath but my mind is made up. BEing alert of what could happen when i got back to him last time, helped me to not dissolve myself in the process. IT is very grave for aught in life that you don’t doubt himself besides healthy self doubt which helps to evolve and always trust your guts. THough people can change, it is necessary to distinguish what needs change and that seems impracticable to a narcissist. EVen so, i feel sorry for him because i believe he suffers and i see no way for him to conquer cheer in life. EVerybody fears him or dislikes him because of his agressive activity which he doesn’t recognize and he can’t feel real allied, even when he’s loved he acts under his insecurity. IT’s sad. RIght now he is texting me how much he misses me and loves me and so forth. INstinctively i cut his access to me, since the moment i had to call the police once he came drunk to my door and as i didn’t open he started calling me names loudly so all the street could hear. IT was very sad thing to do but obligatory. ANd though i love him, i will and i won’t ever love anyone above myself. THough i have strong love and promise for the people in my life, i allow no one to treat me less than i deserve. I was depressed all my live and felt lonely many times but once i rehabilitated my self love i never gave it away. I’m able to forgo in the name of love or any other thing i decide worthy but is me who decides, i say how i want to be treated. I told him there ware limits but he didn’t listen and i kept my promise. I lost weigh, money, my job and almost lost my mind but here i am, recovering. BElieving in myself and in my intuition helps a lot. LOving myself is crucial. IN the difficult moments i try to listen to chakra wash sounds or binaural beat waves or some guided thoughts, dependent on the state of mind. THere are lots of options, to every taste and need. I also have been reading about human acting since i retain so i use the ability do observe myself and everyone else from a neutral point of view, what grants me some lucidity. I also have a very supportive family helped since i left the alliance and helping me go trough this moment. SEarch for specialized help if you don’t feel strong enough to whip this by her. IT is very grave to be around “normal” human beings to remind you that you are worthy and that you can do it.
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I want so badly to re connect, because part of our connection was happy and excited, but mostly it wasn’t happy and it was draining. WE tend to only remember the good parts. I’ve started writing down all the bad parts and there were many more bad parts. TRust me, i’ going thru the exact same thing you are. BEst wishes,roseit was discard 3 when i finally came upon narcissistic abuse. PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty positive woman, minus some insecurities due to things that happened in my babyhood – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the accosts i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would closely use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my assurance would be on 1000% and he would consistently keep carrying up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself anyplace again. THis past june i ended the relationship. 4 years of this was enough. I have been no contact ever since 5 months. I have blocked him from my phone, texts, all social media and up until late all emails go instantly to the deleted folder i was told to put them in another folder in case i needed them for legal ends. LAst week i saw that he has sent me 6 messages in 12 days…one email was blaming my “insecurities” on why things didn’t work out again, telling me i was crazy for not seeing how much he “loves” me and piling on more of the spiritual abuse he did pending our tie, chased by a link to what men wish women knew about them, 3 sermons on insecurity and then one telling me about a new highway opening up. I have still remained silent. I have been no contact for 7 weeks. I had a few affronts with him showing up at my door telling me he missed me and how much he loved me but them nearly went to if i didn’t act the way i did, he wouldn’t say the things he says. YEs always my fault. I told him to leave which was a conflict for me. THen came by my house again a few weeks later to flaunt two very young girls in the car with him. EVery day is a war for me. I know he won’t change , it’s been over 3 years , but every day is a conflict. EFfects my entire life. DOn’t know how to move past this. I just want to forget it ever occurred. I’ve been married to a narcissist sociopath for 13 yrs. SO much damage has been done but i’m rebuilding. I started the no contact but we have a child concurrently and are not divorced or legally split yet. THe threats of taking my son and the very few things i have left have me living in fear. HE fools everyone around him into whereas i’m an awful person when all i ever tried to do was help him. HE is a sick and twisted man i don’t want my son to be ducked in by his disception.
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