THinks only of himself and what he wants. I was to blame for all his money complexities and general life distress, so therefore he necessary that i support him both emotionally and financially. AWful, awful relationship. WHy did i stay in it so long?I don’t like myself. AFter our last break up i was reluctant to get back with him after everyone he had done to me the packing his stuff and the coming and goings, it was like every 6 weeks or so he’d be off on his bike again!BUt after yet another silent measure and him knowing i was out with friends i accepted a text from him saying basically he wanted to end it all and he would see me in another life!OF course i retorted… he has a cocaine habit which he blamed all the lying, cheating, paranoia, disappearing acts on, anybody he ever done was down to his drug problem and to a point i wanted to believe it was the drugs too. HE begged me to help get him off it and his words no mine have a normal life and all our troubles would be over… not!SO guess what 6 week in to a 12 step program to get off the coke he advertises he not happy, doesn’t feel the same about me packs his stuff and goes!SO i’m behind the bar and in he comes dead on 3pm when i start…served him had a bit of a smile a but of chit chat… i have to keep it work regrettably as i cant be seen to be an stirring mess behind the bar in front of the patrons…then my watsapp alert went off. MEssage reads:sorry to come in while your working,i hope that isn’t just your pub persona your giving off lol. I’m sorry i’m on such an affecting rollercoaster at the mo and didn’t want to make you unhappy…i just want you to know your the first thing i think of when i wake up usual. LOve rp xxange,let the money go – and let him go. HE will never change. I always had that tiny bit of hope too, but his examples remain the same, even though he has, i think become a little more patient and a little less angry – he’s still the same. I thought things would change when he got a better job – nope – he got a better job and he still awaited me to pay his way!IN fact, he wanted to show me the captivating blinds he established at a trendy bar, so we went there in my car, my gas, and i bought him a very expensive beer and myself one drink. THe entire event cost me about $40. 00. HE is never going to change. REad about how to get over a breakup. IT’s not easy. I just spent the weekend in a deep blues, but better this temporary phase than the rest of my life with someone who uses me emotionally, financially, and physically, someone who i’m originally excited to be with, but by power, operation, and control, ends up draining all my energy – and doesn’t realize he’s doing it!WAlk away. LEt it go. ANd i will do the same. IT’s a process. IT takes time. TAke the time and let him go. BEst,roseange,it’s normal to miss him. I miss my guy immensely, but i’ve just had it. AS i write this, i still want to text him, but i’m not going to. I find myself daydreaming of how good it could be if he was more normal,but he’s never going to change. I wen thru this instruct where u write down every adverse thing about him and i just kept writing and writing. HE has really done some cruel mean shit to me. WHen i start to miss him, i take out what i wrote, and remember how hurt he made me feel, then i don’t miss him for a while. HE once broke a wine bottle and 2 glasses on the street, drove my car 90 mph and risked to wrap the car around a pole, unless i gave him all the money in my wallet all bc i joked about how he never keeps a job in front of one of his friends. HE did this after i had paid for appetizers and drinks for all of us 54. 00 and i’m positively certain he had something going on with the diner hostess. IT was so blatantly obvious!I’m sure he either knew her, had sex with her, or got her number. I think of this and wonder how could i want to see him after this, but i did. SO, my advice is it will be hard, but try to do the no contact thing.
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