PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty certain woman, minus some insecurities due to things that eventuated in my infancy – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the accosts i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would straight use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my assurance would be on 1000% and he would steadily keep bearing up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself someplace again. THis past june i ended the association. 4 years of this was enough. I have been no contact ever since 5 months. I have blocked him from my phone, texts, all social media and up until anew all emails go lineal to the deleted folder i was told to put them in another folder in case i needed them for legal meanings. LAst week i saw that he has sent me 6 messages in 12 days…one email was blaming my “insecurities” on why things didn’t work out again, telling me i was crazy for not seeing how much he “loves” me and piling on more of the holy abuse he did pending our tie, chased by a link to what men wish women knew about them, 3 sermons on insecurity and then one telling me about a new highway opening up. I have still endured silent. I have been no contact for 7 weeks. I had a few braves with him showing up at my door telling me he missed me and how much he loved me but them immediately went to if i didn’t act the way i did, he wouldn’t say the things he says. YEs always my fault. I told him to leave which was a conflict for me. THen came by my house again a few weeks later to flaunt two very young girls in the car with him. EVery day is a combat for me. I know he won’t change , it’s been over 3 years , but every day is a fight. EFfects my entire life. DOn’t know how to move past this. I just want to forget it ever eventuated. I’ve been married to a narcissist sociopath for 13 yrs. SO much damage has been done but i’m rebuilding. I started the no contact but we have a child concurrently and are not divorced or legally divided yet. THe threats of taking my son and the very few things i have left have me living in fear. HE fools anybody around him into considering i’m an awful person when all i ever tried to do was help him. HE is a sick and twisted man i don’t want my son to be ducked in by his disception. WHat do i do?I work hard but barely make ends meet. ARe there any ways to make this easier, for i can’t handle anymore of his abuse?I keep reading the explanations on here and i didn’t mention the adultery his bizarre sex request and his drug abuse that he blames everything on. HE’s fooled anybody for years saying he’s clean and getting ruth from, i call them his chearleaders by making it look like im not understanding of his dependency and i’m making it hard on him. I’ve stood by him through yrs of rehab when he would hook up with all these young girls there. I think to him it felt like he was in college.
WHat i just accounted was only one episode of many. I could write a book and i just might!BEst wishes. REmember no contact is best!ANd also, your friends and even family will not fully understand!BUt there is plenty of support here and on line. JUst google how to move on after a breakup. THere is a ton of help out there and of course there is personal therapy which i used while i was in the association with him. I know now, the moving on and healing is all up to me. IT’s tough at first, but the more time passes, the easier it gets, until one day, you don’t think of him anymore. I’ve just started this process myself. IT is almost concretely debilitating. I want so badly to re connect, because part of our alliance was happy and excited, but mostly it wasn’t happy and it was draining. WE tend to only repeal the good parts. I’ve started writing down all the bad parts and there were many more bad parts. TRust me, i’ going thru the exact same thing you are. BEst wishes,roseit was discard 3 when i finally came upon narcissistic abuse. PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty convinced woman, minus some insecurities due to things that transpired in my infancy – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the appeals i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would intimately use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my certainty would be on 1000% and he would regularly keep bringing up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself anywhere again. THis past june i ended the relationship. 4 years of this was enough. I have been no contact ever since 5 months.