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THen i retain the bad. IT’s a bad moment of chaos mentally. HOw does everyone cope?AT a loss and so sad. I’ve been amazed by the hoovering, it is exactly as the commodities foretold. I miss youi’ve changedi’ve valuated my lifethinking about youhave a drink for me birthdayphotographs of ‘us’ in mailmy belongings box of tampons on my door stepaccusations “you used to have a sense of humour”“you’re playing a game”you might bump into me at just giving you a heads upare you going to just wonderedit’s been two years and despite me insisting he stop because he is compromising his current tie it lasts after brief sulksi’m skilled at not replying his queries, being provoked or reacting now i know about the jumble. I never respond intimately. NO amount of common sense is esteemed so i answer with utter rubbish. I’ve politely thrown out clues about his fake persona, said we are opposites, i’m not submissive enough for him, i’m no longer trying, i like being single and that he invested nothing in me. I was discarded three months ago by someone who appeared almost all of the features of a narcissist after he acknowledged to being in a connection with someone while in a affiliation with me. I newly heard they were no longer jointly. TWo days ago i accepted an email from him apologising for the mean way he treated me, that i was a wonderful loving dependent who deserved to be happy. HE said he has had to take a hard look at himself and how he has treated women. HE said he had now taken liability for the pain and upset he has caused. HE wished me a happy life and said he hopes i will find a fantastic man who will attend me and treat me me with the love and respect i deserve. CAn this be considered a hoover if he did not want anything from me nor seem to want to get back into my life?COuld he at 65 had an epiphany and matured a better?I went through it all with him, the silent cures, lying, cheating, anger if i dared say something, been discarded hastily without a word, ignored, blocked and unblocked on fb etc etc. SO how is it likely that he wrote these wonderful sounding words. CAn anyone tell me what it means?I think this all part of his game. HE has to have narcissistic supply, whether that it certain or opposite – he just needs to know that he is having an effect on you of some sort and he will only get that if you give a return. AT the moment he is testing the waters to see if he can worm his way back into your life. OF course, he doesn’t know that he is in your head night and day and that his message has caused accomplish muddle for you – if he gets any idea that has eventuated, he will get his narcissistic supply from that. IF you reply with something auspicious, he may well attempt to get back into your life substantially along with mentally. YOu may have seen this article but it assigns quite well the cycle. THenarcissisticpersonality. COm/hoover manuver/ the only thing you can do is to definitely ignore this man’s appeals and try to move your life in a direction where you can just forget him, very hard, i know. PErhaps there is someone else on this forum with similar life to mira who can advise her that this will work?HI milly,there’s no question that no contact is the answer to escaping any kind of disturbance they love to provide. ZAri ballard who has written the most amazing articles on narcissists explains that the reasons they hoover is to fodder supply in case of need and also to ensure the victim never moves on from the pain they caused. THis could well be the answer to my point case. I’m so sad for all the pain and suffering good unsophisticated people are being caused. I can only reproduce what the experts say to go no or minimal contact – the latter for when infants are solicitous. I think i’m able to do this myself now, finally. STrength and resovle to us all to cut contact with the fantasy in order that healing be probably.
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