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I’m learning too and even after this, i’m evolving. I believe that we need to learn revelation and that does not mean to be a prey. I’m wishing you the best. STay strong. @Alicebravo!I’m getting out of 24 years to a covert narc. THe disclosure in this divorce is paralyzing at best. I just woke up from a 10 year fog, each time i rose above the fog, i battled oppression that was so thick, it smothered me. I have 4 children, i did the offering of staying to give them continuity, i was so wrong, because they all got screwed into his treatment. THus, them blame me and its severed some bridges. IVe been seeking out books, and therapy, alt med conducts, etc. I found emdr therapy to be greatest at finding triggers in one session!IT is truly amazing how fast you come to where it all started. MY first one took me back to the age of 5 in 10 mins!IVe been through acupuncture, chiropractors, hypnosis, and biofeedback…. IVe been 9 months without a sleep cycle 3hours in 2011, but this time around i built cptsd with fibromyalgia – oh so painful, customary now for 16 months : no good days without pain, because commonplace a piece to the puzzle being his supply pops into view. 24 years to put simultaneously…. I cant see my mom after heart surgery, because i feel so wrong to moanin pain and all i want to do is take her pain from her and bare it with my daily agony. I just look forward to moving away up to my family, far away from him. TO sweetnlucky: this is a very hard circumstances for a minor to handle emotionally. I feel for her!AS a child, you can’t even imagine the thought that a parent can indeed behave so selfishly. BUt,my advice to your girl would be to do some mental imagery with her. I have 3 teenagers and, i would advise you to have someone other than itself do this with her unless she still best wishes you and asks for your advice ok, when she is provision to spend time with her father even if it’s just a 15 min visit have her sit in a chair with her eyes closed. HAve her pretend that she has a zipper right away over her heart. NOw, have her unzip that zipper and reach in and grab her tender heart, which holds all of her sensations and her self esteem. THen have her place this heart in a safe and lock it up. ONly she knows the blend to get her heart out of the safe. THen explain to her that albeit her body is going to be with her father, all of her passions and self esteem are locked tightly in that safe. SHe can’t get her sensations hurt if they are safe and inviolably locked away.
I find myself daydreaming of how good it could be if he was more normal,but he’s never going to change. I wen thru this coach where u write down every anti thing about him and i just kept writing and writing. HE has really done some cruel mean shit to me. WHen i start to miss him, i take out what i wrote, and remember how hurt he made me feel, then i don’t miss him for a while. HE once broke a wine bottle and 2 glasses on the street, drove my car 90 mph and jeopardized to wrap the car around a pole, unless i gave him all the money in my wallet all bc i joked about how he never keeps a job in front of one of his friends. HE did this after i had paid for appetizers and drinks for all of us 54. 00 and i’m definitely certain he had everything going on with the coffeehouse hostess. IT was so blatantly obvious!I’m sure he either knew her, had sex with her, or got her number. I think of this and wonder how could i want to see him after this, but i did. SO, my advice is it will be hard, but try to do the no contact thing. YOu’re only extending the healing process. I feel better every day and so relaxed. WHat i just delineated was only one episode of many. I could write a book and i just might!BEst wishes. REmember no contact is best!ANd also, your friends and even family will not fully understand!BUt there is plenty of support here and on line. JUst google how to move on after a breakup. THere is a ton of help out there and positively there is particular therapy which i used while i was in the affiliation with him. I know now, the moving on and healing is all up to me. IT’s tough firstly, but the more time passes, the easier it gets, until one day, you don’t think of him anymore. I’ve just started this process myself. IT is almost concretely debilitating. I want so badly to re connect, because part of our affiliation was happy and excited, but mostly it wasn’t happy and it was draining. WE tend to only recollect the good parts. I’ve started writing down all the bad parts and there were many more bad parts. TRust me, i’ going thru the exact same thing you are. BEst wishes,roseit was discard 3 when i finally came upon narcissistic abuse. PRior to that time i was a shell of myself, losin weight from not eating, sobbing on the floor, feeling like a total failure and that no one would ever love me but i didn’t know why. PRior to him i was a pretty sure woman, minus some insecurities due to things that occurred in my minority – that’s the one thing i wish i hadn’t shared with him. NO matter the issue, no matter the requests i had for him to go back to being the man i fell in love with, he would immediately use those insecurities as the sole reason things weren’t working out between us. THe times he would come back, which i now know is hoovering, my assurance would be on 1000% and he would consistently keep bearing up who i used to be until he slowly brought me back into the land of anxiety and doubting myself anywhere again. THis past june i ended the alliance.

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